On January 15, 2016, my friend Suzanne took her own life. Though I selfishly and vehemently disagree with her decision, I also understand it, and I respect it. For decades, she faced the daily challenge of depression, opioid addiction, fibromyalgia, and family of origin struggles. “Margaret, I don’t want anyone to feel the way I feel,” she said to me, many times. No amount of phone calls, or hugs, or chocolate could lessen the depth of her pain. The great Poet Laureate Alfred, Lord Tennyson wrote In Memoriam, A.H.H. after the passing of his friend:
“I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.”
Today I grieve the loss of a friend, though I’m grateful for the time we spent together. Because of her, I associate soft kittens and pink roses with bright blue tearful eyes, the sweetest soul, and the fiercest warrior I’ve ever known.
Dearest Suzanne, may God hold you in the palm of His hand until the day we meet again.